Adoptive parent

The language of adoption is changing and evolving, and since the 1970s has been a controversial issue tied closely to adoption reform efforts. The controversy arises over the use of terms which, while designed to be more appealing or less offensive to some persons affected by adoption, may simultaneously cause offense or insult to others. This controversy illustrates the problems in adoption, as well as the fact that coining new words and phrases to describe ancient social practices will not necessarily alter the feelings and experiences of those affected by them. Two of the contrasting sets of terms are commonly referred to as positive adoption language (PAL) (sometimes referred to respectful adoption language (RAL)), and honest adoption language (HAL).

In the 1970s, as adoption search and support organizations developed, there were challenges to the language in common use at the time. The term "natural mother" had been in common use previously. The term "birth mother" was first used in 1956 by Nobel Prize winning author and adoptive mother Pearl S. Buck. As books like Adoption Triangle by Sorosky, Pannor and Baran were published, and support groups formed like CUB (Concerned United Birthparents), a major shift from natural parent to birthparent occurred. Along with the change in times and social attitudes came additional examination of the language used in adoption.

Social workers and other professionals in the field of adoption began changing terms of use to reflect what was being expressed by the parties involved. In 1979, Marietta Spencer wrote "The Terminology of Adoption" for the Child Welfare League of America (CWLA), which was the basis for her later work "Constructive Adoption Terminology". This influenced Pat Johnston's "Positive Adoption Language" (PAL) and "Respectful Adoption Language" (RAL). The terms contained in "Positive Adoption Language" include the terms "birth mother" (to replace the terms "natural mother" and "real mother"), "placing" (to replace the term "surrender").

Language, at its best, honors the self-referencing choices of the persons involved, utilizes inclusive terms and phrases, and is sensitive to the feelings of the primary parties. Language evolves with social attitudes and experiences. The example below is one of the earliest and it should be noted that these lists, too, have evolved and changed some over the years.

The reasons for its use: Some terms like birth parents, birth mother, birth father were chosen by those working in adoption reform as terms to replace 'natural' and it took nearly a decade before agencies, social workers, courts and laws embraced the change in self-referencing. Some adoptive parents supported this change as they felt using "natural" indicated they were "unnatural". In some cultures, adoptive families face an anti-adoption bias. This can be evident in English-speaking cultures when there is prominent use of negative or inaccurate language describing adoption. So, to combat it, many adoptive families choose the use of positive adoption language.

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